If you asked me who I was;
I wouldn’t be able to tell you who I am;
even as I put my life on pause,
cause honestly, I don’t even know who I am.
Take my hand and guide me.
Peel me off layer by layer
so that I know what’s bitter and what’s not.
There will be tears, there will be laughters, there will be joy and there will be pain.
It’s going to be a painful process;
a little strenuous, maybe.
but if that’s what it takes to get to know me better,
at least I’ll know myself a little bit different.
“What we have, doesn’t really exist outside our hearts and minds. It is thus a beautiful, pure kind of intimacy, in many ways, more special than the conventional.”
Maybe I have been looking at the right doors the wrong kind of way. I have been struggling with what I thought was my demon but each time I’d allow myself to let go, I always find myself going back into the same hole; feeling vulnerable and naive.
Allowing my mind to focus and achieving my goals would result in my feeling distracted. Maybe I am lonely and I want to fill my time with something so I don’t feel so alone because I wouldn’t let myself drown in self-pity.
I have been giving myself excuses for not being able to meet my goals. Excuses – they just shouldn’t exist anymore. I want to see the fruit of my labour and I’m not going to get that with more excuses.
Losing weight has been such a pain but with this new found drive, I want to be able to give myself 110% and work towards my personal goal. No shitting around and giving in to temptations. I’ve done well in the past month and I’m not going to throw it all away with some stupid fried chicken.
It’s monday. Again.
I haven't written in a while and I kinda miss the idea of feeling rather at peace when I write. What's been different? I don't know. I attempted to date again. After months or years of not seeing someone new, I finally did it again. Continue reading “& all that jazz.”